Not quite done with the chaos

Christmas has come and gone and I am quite relieved. I never really found that Christmas spirit this year and am quite excited to just get back to everyday life. This time of year can be stressful for those married to Cheffies. In our corner of the world things get pretty slow between October and December, minus the small hoopla around thanksgiving. December picks up with parties and what not and the Cheffie disappears. Which leaves the wife to worry about all the other Christmas details and if you have 4 kids, times 4. Shopping,wrapping, potlucks, parties, end of year school stuff, and on and on, times 4. This year was a bit much to handle alone and I know I say it every year but next year I have to start earlier. For us at home the lull between Christmas and New Years is a fun time to chill and play with all of our Christmas goodies. It's also a time when the kiddos get to see their Cheffie Dad everyday. With no school to worry about we can stay up as late as it takes to be able to see dad and sometimes sneak in a game or two before bed. Sometimes a hassle and always sleep deprived it is worth it for the little nuggets of quality time spent with Dad around the holidays. It means alot to the kids and are some of their favorite memories from years past. So, in our downtime before the new year we are preparing for the craziness that 2014 will inevitably bring. Happy New Year!

Single parenting

My husband hates when I say that I am a single parent. I think he gets offended and feels like I am being mean. I am not trying to be mean just expressing how I feel. I am the one who gets kids off to school, helps with homework, drives to various destinations including but not limited to; soccer, cub scouts, ballet, field trips, library, church functions etc. I would like to think that i am getting a handle on it all but I know I am not. I live day to day. Not even day to day, activity to activity. I can only focus on one thing at a time. I devote all of my time and attention to that one thing until it is over and I move on to the next thing. I started this right after baby Eha was born. Just get out of bed, just make breakfast, just feed a baby. When I broke my tasks up into little doable bits I was not overwhelmed and could enjoy my little victories. Yes, getting out of bed was a victory. Now I have found that if I think about all of the things I have to do I go crazy. I feel overwhelmed and stressed. So, baby steps. Baby steps through out the day that add up to some serious gained yardage by bed time. I am taking this steps ALONE!! I am not trying to be mean but he is not feeding kids, teaching preschool, coaching soccer, driving kids, making dinner(ok maybe he does that), or bathing kids getting them ready for bed, making deals with 3 year olds, calming babies, listening to pre-teen sass and 9 year old sarcasm. It sounds like I am in a woe is me kind of place but I am not. I get there often but today I would just like to let the Cheffies out there know sometimes all we need at home is a thanks. An acknowledgement of our hard work. I am not expecting a write up in the paper or a formal affair. Just a thanks would suffice!

He can always work more!

Over the years I have often complained about the amount of time our Chef spends at work. It is hard when the kids are at school when he wakes up and asleep when he gets home. They can go a week with out seeing him if he is busy. I have found that every time I mention or complain about the hours required by his various jobs over the years he gets a promotion, new job, or a title change that requires even more. I have learned not to complain or comment because that is when it happens, as soon as I open my mouth. I do have to say it has happened again. This time I didn't say a word I promise! I did have some negative thoughts about the busy wedding season that was upon us and so now I can't even think about how much he works. I just have to tell myself, " Don't worry about it. He can always work more. Be happy with what you've got!".

I Want My Daddy!

Our 3rd child is 3. She is a funny, smart, sassy girl who loves her dad. She is at that age where she is starting to realize how much her dad works. Anytime something goes wrong or she gets in trouble she wants her daddy. Sometimes we are able to call him and that is enough and other days it's not enough. Every once in awhile she throws a tantrum and screams,"I want my daddy". And some days I tell her,"Me too" and then we sit and have a good cry together. I have been through this with the 2 older ones and I am sure I will go through it again with our youngest when she gets older. I knew it was coming but that doesn't make it any easier. The good and bad thing is that she will get over it. It is good because the tantrums stop but bad because she will realize how much her dad works and that will become her normal. Eventually she will stop being disappointed that daddy is unable to come to her recitals and plays and that makes me sad. However, she will appreciated the time spent with her dad and will come to cherish the few precious moments she gets with him. The older 2 know that dad time is rare and special and they are grateful for the days they are able to hang out with him.

How we met

Cheffie and I met while we were both attending culinary school in Portland Oregon. I was 18 and had never worked in the industry, eager and excited to learn all that I could. He was 24 and had already been working for 9 years and had been recently passed up for a position at a major hotel because he did not have a culinary arts degree. He was cynical and annoyed that he even had to be there in the first place. I always just tell people we were neighbors and leave it at that. Cheffie elaborates a little more about how he was making a sandwich and my roommate was at his house. He needed some lettuce for his sandwich and my roommate told him I had some. She called me and asked me to bring it over for him and I did. That was our first initial meeting. A couple days later I was upset and walking to the store when he stopped and asked if I needed a ride. I accepted and then ranted all the way to the store about my roommate and how it was her turn to buy toilet paper and she left for a long weekend. I'm sure he thought I was a freak. From then on when ever he went anywhere he would come over and ask if I wanted to go with him. We went everywhere together and were best friends for about 5 months until we started dating. I must mention at this time I wasn't completely naive to the hours required for the hospitality industry but my think ahead chef liked to work hard during peak seasons so he could take time off and play in the down time. This was his down time and we had an awesome time playing. Please forgive the photo it is a scan of a picture.(remember film?) This picture makes me smile and think, "If they only knew..."

Not What I was Looking For

So along time ago my chef husband purchased a book for me. I don't exactly remember the name of it but it was written by the wife of a Chef. In my giddiness and glee I dug right in and after about two chapters threw the book down and said, "That is not what I was looking for." The author was married to a chef and together they owned a restaurant. She worked along side of him running the front of the house and keeping the office work in order. Don't get me wrong I hope to be that wife someday when we own our own place and when that occurs I will read that book and hopefully be able to relate and enjoy it. I was looking for a book about the loneliness and heartache that comes with loving a chef. I wanted to read about someone else who was sitting at home nights, weekends, and holidays while their chef was hard at work. I wanted to read about a mother consoling her child when they were upset that chef dad missed their big game, science fair, or holiday play. I wanted to hear how that person felt and dealt with the pressures and issues that come with loving a chef. I didn't get that. I didn't bother looking again until just recently when like I said earier I found the desperatechefswives blog desperatechefswives.com After poking around there for a bit I found what I was looking for other wives and mothers that have had to deal with the same things I have and can relate to almost exactly what I have had too deal with. I have to confess right now I am not so good with computers so this won't be pretty but it will be real experiences and situations I have dealt with and I am sure there will be more to come. My kids have also started asking questions about the past and more specifically about their chef dad and I and how we met and what we were like "back in the day".

Here I go

I have recently found Hillary Battes and < her blogand was inspired to document my experience with loving a chef. I have been married to a chef for 12 years. I recently gave birth to our 4th child and have been home all day everyday for the past 4 months. I love being home and available to our 4 children, however, being home makes you realize and remember exactly how much a chef works and is away from home. Feeling blue one day I googled chef's wife and was so excited to find Hillary's blog! I almost cried reading through posts and comments from Hillary and her followers. Seeing other people dealing with the same issues and feelings that I do was a relief, a comfort, and almost like a warm long distance hug. I know there are a lot of blogs out there written by chef's wives and I enjoy reading all of them. I love finding new ones. This will just be a documentation of our story mostly written for us but also out there in case someone else is looking for a long distance hug.